you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
