Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
