I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
