i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
