areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
