why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
