Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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