i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
