Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
