I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
