Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
