I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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