I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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