please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
