It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
