The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
