Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
As shirtless as possible
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
