We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
