adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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