I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
NoShamevember. You game?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
