There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
