Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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