Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
