well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
