what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
