My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
