and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
