She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
