i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
