she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
