screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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