sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Two words: nipple clamps
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