My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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