dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
