Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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