2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize