I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize