One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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