im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
