I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
