my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We just shotgunned beers for America
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
