i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
