billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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