i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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