Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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