you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
