you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
