last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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