Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
