Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
