It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
third nipple confirmed
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
