she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
