look no pants
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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