Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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