I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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