is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
