i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
