My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
