If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
