I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize