My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
