Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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