I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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