Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
