Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
