im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
