i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Found the puke drawer
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
