Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
