When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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